Sunday, June 3, 2012

Day 20: A Difficult Time in My Life.

A difficult time in my life. 

This one is hard to write about as it is still new.

Dad & I on his 50th birthday. 

My father died August 15, 2011 at 50 years old. He died from what started out as colon cancer. He fought cancer for almost 5 years....cancer that was diagnosed at stage 4. 

I remember thinking " something is wrong with dad", then getting a phone call that night, Dad had cancer...but it still needed to be confirmed by a doctor.

I sat in the oncologist's office with my dad, squeezing his hand as the doctor said, "yes, you have colon cancer". Dad and I went out to eat & talked nothing of it. He introduced me to the waiter as his "date". ...our last father-daughter "date". 

The rest was a whirlwind. 

Almost 5 years later, my dad died. He was in a hospital. He hated hospitals, yet spent most of the last 5 years of his life in one. He kept his sense of humor through the whole time he had cancer though. He didn't let cancer take his spirit. 

He wanted to meet Baby A, he died 3 months before she was born. So now, we tell her all about him. He loved her though he had never met her.

The hardest part about my father's death, was watching my family fall apart.
He was the glue that held everyone together. The love, the light, the humor, the fun...the one person who didn't judge, who found the good in everyone. He made us a family, he made everything okay. 
Now that he is gone, my siblings & extended relatives have mostly gone their own paths. We rarely talk to each other, and there is little respect for differences.

I want to carry on the message that my father left with me before he died. He said " I don't want you to be sad, I want you to be happy for the life I lived". 
I carry that in my heart. And that is the hardest of all, because I am happy that he lived....but I'd be happier if he were still here.

I am grateful and blessed that my father's and my last words to each other were " I love you. " 

One day I will meet him again in Heaven.
I will be so happy to see him again, until then I carry him in my heart, and teach my daughter the love & joy that he lived his life with.

He was a great man, and is loved & missed very much.

It will soon be one year since he passed.

His headstone was just placed.

Name & birth date blurred out to protect family privacy.

Everything has become "real" and that is the hardest part.

Love you Dad.

Be Happy Healthy & Strong,


1 comment:

  1. I could not read this without crying. My dad got really sick a few yrs ago and we were really scared that we were going to lose him. I couldn't imagine losing him and I am so sorry that you did lose your dad. Death is something that is never easy to handle or except. But praise God that we have the joy of knowing that you will be together again someday and it wont be for temporary. Death will never part of us from the ones we love again.